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Handling Others’ Opinions about Your Surrogacy Journey

Posted: 10/27/21

Choosing to be a Surrogate is a big decision and one of life’s most exciting journeys. Most Surrogates feel an immense amount of joy during the process of helping Intended Parents in this way. The level of excitement felt by the IP’s and Surrogates isn’t always matched when shared with others. Because surrogacy is not a well understood process, negative opinions will come from the lack of knowledge. This is painful and often confusing for Surrogates who are giving 10+ months of their lives to help others start a family. 

On the other side, there are many Surrogates and IPs who do receive full support from those closest to them. We love when we hear that no negativity is surrounding the pregnancy. However, because we know this is not realistic for all Surrogates, we try to educate and help them to be prepared for if/when questions arise. 

Here is a helpful list of recommended responses to opinions surrounding surrogacy: 

  • Answering “why?”  People are curious and will often ask this question first. We recommend our Surrogates to answer truthfully and from the heart. If you are an intended parent, why are you turning to surrogacy? (We know this can feel deeply personal and you DON’T have to answer this question to anyone!) Sometimes adoption isn’t an option for you. For surrogates, maybe you’ve had easy pregnancies and want to help someone who hasn’t been as fortunate. Whatever your reasons may be, keep in mind it is your choice. Helping others to see what you see may not always be successful, but it is a great starting point for helping others to understand your “why!” 
  • Fielding negative opinions.  These will come! It is Sometimes nothing you can say or do will change how others view surrogacy; some people will simply refuse to be supportive. This could be due to religious beliefs, financial views, or some are just stuck in old-fashioned customs. Negative opinions can be hurtful, so it is best to answer a with a positive response. Focus on the humanistic aspects and reflect on your reasons for turning to surrogacy in the first place. 
  • Sharing the joy. Surrogates should always keep their support system nearby. These are the ones that you need most during this time – celebrate them! Remember, regardless of any negative responses you may endure, you are part of a miraculous experience, one you will look back on and remember fondly. Again, surround yourself with those who share your enthusiasm, as they will lift you up and be your positive reinforcement when you need them most. 

Keep in mind, Surrogacy is a personal decision and one that you felt was right for you. Not everyone will agree, but handle all opinions – both positive and negative – with grace, and continue to look forward to end goal…the birth of a healthy baby.  The road may feel bumpy, but the miracle in the end will make it all worthwhile. If you need help on how to tell others about surrogacy, contact Surrogate Solutions today! 


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